The Humour Of Melvin Durai

I’m not a fan of reality TV, whether it’s “Survivor,” “The Amazing Race,” or “Big Brother.” If I wanted to see reality, I’d put my wife and mother in the same room for 24 hours. That would create enough “reality” to last a lifetime.

Reality TV is just a cheap way to entertain people, to get high ratings by appealing to our lowest instincts. Yes, the prize money seems huge -- $100,000 for the winner of “Big Brother Africa” – but that’s nothing compared to the $1.8 million Ray Romano earns for a single episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” And Romano, thankfully, never has to undress for the camera. His hairy chest would be too much “reality” for me.

Despite my distaste for reality TV, I understand the excitement over Cherise Makubale’s victory in “Big Brother Africa.” It’s not every day that we get to celebrate a Zambian woman’s triumph on an international stage. Truth be told, I’d be excited even if Cherise had won the World Championship of Nose-Picking. “Way to go Cherise!” I’d yell. “No one can pick it like you!”

Cherise’s win produced so much singing and dancing in Zambia, people without televisions were a little confused. “What happened?” asked one Lusaka man. “Did the president slash the price of mealie meal? Or did the Chipolopolo Boys finally qualify for the World Cup?”

Even some bishops, who had once called “Big Brother” immoral and indecent, found themselves partying hard.

Bishop (jumping up and down): “Cherise, you’ve made us proud! So proud!”

Friend: “Bishop, I’m confused. Didn’t you say that ‘Big Brother’ was immoral? Didn’t you want ZNBC to drop it?”

Bishop: “My friend, how can you bring up morality at a time like this? Let us enjoy the moment.”

Vice-President Nevers Mumba praised Cherise for showing a high level of morality and representing “the true African culture.” Indeed, her morality was so high, it almost violated the rules of “Big Brother.”

Soon after winning, Cherise said she didn’t know what she’d do with her $100,000 prize, which made her a billionaire in Kwacha. "But the one thing that I'm definitely going to do is to buy my self-employed father, who works as an electrician, a house," she said. Cherise is truly a role model – and I hope my daughter emulates her. (Note to daughter: Four bedrooms and two bathrooms.)

I’m not surprised that Cherise’s father is an electrician. He raised a daughter whose smile can light up a room. And whose success has electrified an entire country.

I just hope Cherise is careful with her money. It may seem like a large amount, but not as large as the number of relatives she will gain.

Old man: “Hello Cherise. Do you recognize me? I am your long-lost uncle.”

Cherise: “Another one? I already have seventy-two uncles. And what a coincidence – they all decided to visit me today.”

Old man: “Those men are after your money, Cherise. You must keep it in a safe place. If you want, I can take care of it for you.”

Cherise: “Sorry, all my money is in a bank. I’ve also built a house for my dear father.”

Old man: “A house? Really? Is there room for your favorite uncle?”

Melvin Durai is a U.S.-based writer and humorist who grew up in Zambia. His weekly humor columns are read by thousands of people in more than 90 countries. For an email subscription to his columns, please visit his website