Robbie Williams And The Final Farewell

By Jeff Lloyd

Apologies for using the wrong musical metaphor but here we are at the end of a long and winding road. Two years ago we all congregated at the ISL school hall to witness the performance of Abbalike. Jounalists asked them: “What made you get back together again?” The Abbalike girls replied: “No, we pretend to be Abba – it’s our job”. The journos persisted: “You have aged really well!” The girls gave in: “Thanks”.

In early December comes ‘Williams’ – a tribute to Robbie Williams. As most of Zambia knows now the word ‘tribute’ doesn’t mean he’s dead, just copied in both sound and looks for the sake of a performance. Davie J is the man behind the mask and he’ll be performing at the ISL School Hall for kids courtesy of Multichoice and Sparletta, at the Kasisi Orphanage and UTH Burns Unit fundraiser at the Intercon, The Brown Frog and Lilayi Lodge courtesy of Fusion Spirit Coolers. Dates are 4^th-7^th December and full details are elsewhere in the Lowdown.

Robbie Williams is the world’s biggest selling solo artist and is responsible for songs such as Angels, Rock DJ, Millennium and Let Me Entertain You. It is said, that like football (not the dreaded ‘soccer’), Americans don’t ‘get’ Robbie. However, this is an opportunity for that myth to be debunked and let’s face it, if you don’t go to a show there is little justification in the old whine: ‘There’s nothing to do in Lusaka’.

This is the Final Farewell because in January I’m off to pastures old to see if there’s life in the old dog. It’s been a great 7 years and not without some extreme highs and, of course, extreme lows. Without going into unnecessary details I have a few tips on what to do if you want to avoid spending three nights in Lusaka Central Prison on spurious immigration charges:

Ø Don’t go in on a Friday, no matter how urgent the Immigration department make out your case is. It’s easy for them (although it shouldn’t be) to throw you inside and come back on Monday when you may have ‘learnt your lesson’.

Ø Have a lawyer’s number in your cell phone. If you don’t have a lawyer, let me recommend Musa Mwenya 096 800-198. Lawyers can’t advertise so maybe this is an alternative way.

Ø Sign all documents shoved in your face. You must be offered a chance to pay an admission of guilt fine (currently K1,080,000). This gives you breathing space to appeal. If you decide not to sign any of the documents you are accepting that it will go to court and you could be inside for months waiting.

Ø If you have any doubt over your permit’s validity, consult a lawyer first.

Ø If you do get locked up get your friends to bring you food, clothes, a blanket, a couple of books and, of course, cigarettes (its still the major currency). You’ll find, on release, that all your friends have started smoking again so it’s kind of ironic to have had all those cigarettes with you (especially if, like me, you don’t smoke).

So that’s the extreme low, what about the highs? This country is so full of wonderful experiences that it’s hard to know where to begin. I never fail to be awed by Victoria Falls. A fellow volunteer (as I once was) once said: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about, it’s only some water going over some rocks”. Unfortunately, the Immigration department never got hold of her.

Funniest story? Again, where to start? My favourite is one that beneath it tells so many other stories: I rang the Sun International in Livingstone, enquiring as to whether they would be interested in any of our forthcoming acts, particularly a Freddie Mercury tribute. The Assistant Manager’s reply: “The real Freddie Mercury?”

If you don’t know why that’s funny then there’s probably no hope for you either. Bang goes my chance of a warm welcome at the Royal Livingstone…

As a veteran fan of lists here is a top 3 list:

My Top 3 Favourite events over the past 7 years:

1. The Bandit Beatles Unplugged at Lilayi Lodge – three days earlier I had witnessed John pushing Ringo through a hotel window at 3 am drunk as a lord, so it was nice to know that the rock ‘n roll lifestyle was still alive and kicking.

2. Madonna at the Intercontinental Hotel – former British High Commissioner, Tom Young, having a lap-dance from a flirty and slightly overweight Madonna was a sight many will never forget.

3. Abbalike at The Brown Frog, second time round. I have a photo that pictures all the great and good of Lusaka screaming ‘Mamma Mia’ at the top of their voices in a shot of pure ecstasy (the emotion not the designer drug).

It will be wrench to leave this fantastic country but I will do so knowing that I gave it my best shot. Many thanks to The Lowdown over the years for printing all my rubbish, no matter how poorly written, self-promoting or late it was. Thanks to Kelly Green who did all the proper work for LeisureQuest and will continue to run the best small guest house in Lusaka and help prepare Team Building courses, both activities that will continue long after I am gone. Thanks to you, reading this, for supporting lots of hastily planned but, hopefully, innovative events but most of all thanks to Mrs. Lloyd who gave Zambia more of her time than either I, or Zambia, deserved.

We will miss you all and, unless someone out there thinks they have a suitable job that only I can do, in the future, then this is probably it. But until then take care and…..

Let Him Entertain You!