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Putting The
Diversity Back In
Africa
One of my pet
peeves, living in America, is the overuse of the word "Africa."
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the continent. After all,
I grew up in Zambia, the "real Africa." (Trust me, it's more
beautiful than that fake stuff up North.)
What bothers me
is when people use the word "Africa" as though it's a single
country, as though all 55 nations have come together to form the
United States of Africa. (That would be quite a miracle, especially
since you can't even get parts of
Rwanda
to come together.)
It doesn't help
that President Bush once made a reference to the "nation of Africa."
That was a slip of the tongue, of course. He meant to say "Republic
of Africa."
Unfortunately,
many Americans know even less about
Africa than the president -- and some of them call
themselves African-Americans. Ask them to name some African
countries and they'll come up with perhaps five or six, then give
you a look of astonishment when you tell them that
Timbuktu
doesn't count.
They know
Egypt: it's the home of pyramids and mummies. They know
South
Africa: it's the home of Nelson Mandela and Charlize Theron. And
they know Libya: it's the home of those three longtime dictators:
Gadhafi, Kadhafi and Qadhafi.
Africa is such a
diverse continent, but few of its nations make the news in America,
even if they've done something commendable, such as elected a new
leader, made progress in the fight against AIDS, or sent an athlete
to the Winter Olympics.
Africa gets barely a mention on ABC's "World News
Tonight," which may soon be renamed "American and Israeli News
Tonight."
That explains why
I keep having conversations like this:
Politician: "You
want to talk about
Africa? Great! I love
Africa. My wife grew up there."
Me: "Really?
Which country?"
Politician: "Uh
... I'm not sure. I think it's one of those 'Z' countries. Zimbabia?
Zambibwe?"
Me: "Do you mean
Zambia?
Or Zimbabwe?"
Politician: "I'm
not sure. Zambia sounds familiar. It definitely has a 'zam' in it."
Me: "Could it be
Mozambique?"
Politician: "Yes,
that's it! Mozambique! Boy, I'd better write that down -- it might
impress the voters."
Me: "It certainly
impresses me, Senator Kerry! Remember: You want to beat Bush, not
beat around it."
To help everyone
learn a little more about
Africa, I've developed a short quiz:
---Which of these
is NOT an African country? (a) Guinea; (b) Guinea-Bissau; (c)
Equatorial Guinea; or (d) Guinea-Pig
---What is the
chief product of Nigeria? (a) Oil; (b) Gold; (c) Coal; or (d) Spam.
---If you can
find Ken in
Kenya,
Wanda in Rwanda, and Dan in Sudan, where can you find Chad? (a)
Chadzania; (b) Equatorial Chad; (c) Northern Africa; or (d) Florida.
---Who is the
leader of
Zimbabwe?
(a) Kofi Annan; (b) Robert Mugabe; (c) Shaka Zulu; or (d) Al
Sharpton.
---How did
Ivory Coast
get its name? (a) It produces the popular "Ivory" and "Coast" brands
of soap; (b) Elephant tusks were exported from there; (c) Most of
the world's piano keys are made there; or (d) It was named after
renowned actor Keenan Ivory Wayans.
---What happened
to the $15 billion President Bush pledged to fight AIDS in Africa?
(a) The White House dog ate it; (b) David Blaine made it disappear;
(c) U.S. troops are searching for it in Iraq; or (d) The Bushmen
have it.
 Melvin
Durai is a U.S.-based writer and humorist who grew up
in Zambia. His weekly humour columns are read by thousands of
people in more than 90 countries. For an email subscription
to his columns, please visit his
website
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May 2004