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 Extra Points For A Timely Loss
I was a child in
Zambia
when the Chinese leader Mao Tse-tung died and I cried for an entire
week. That's how long they cancelled all the TV shows.
When it came to
making people feel sad, the government sure knew how to do it. They
even played gloomy music on TV and radio, and made me fear that
they'd soon come around to confiscate all my toys.
Death really
shouldn't be so unpleasant. Perhaps more countries should learn from
India. When a top leader dies, the government tries to comfort
children in the best way possible: They cancel school. If you see a
bunch of kids at the amusement park on a school day, try not to
disturb them. They're probably in mourning. Hey, you grieve in your
way, let them grieve in theirs.
If children can
be so distraught over the death of a prominent politician, imagine
their despair at losing someone they've actually heard of. It's
important for teachers to keep that in mind. If Bobby just lost a
relative, you can lessen his suffering instantly by giving him the
day off school. But if you really want him to feel better, why not
give him a few extra points on the final exam?
I've had an exam
postponed because of a relative's death, but my teachers never gave
me extra points, so hardhearted were they. British teachers seem to
be more caring. As reported by the French Press Agency (AFP),
students taking a GSCE or A-level exam in England can be awarded a
maximum of five extra percent if they recently lost a parent or
close family member, four percent for a more distant relative. Four
percent may not seem like a lot, but it could lighten a student's
misery, especially the misery of a 'D.'
Johnny: "I'm so
lucky. My uncle died and left me his stamp collection."
Bobby: "That's
nothing. My uncle died and left me a 'C.'"
When it comes to
these pre-college exams, timing has never been more important.
Mother: "Bobby, I
heard you visited Uncle Wilbur in the hospital and he's taken a turn
for the worse. What did you say to him?"
Bobby: "I just
told him that if he's going to die, I'd really appreciate it if he
didn't wait too long. My exam is this Friday."
A relative's
death can hurt your preparation for an exam, but so can the loss of
a pet. That's why the official exam guidelines, as composed by
England's Joint Council for Qualification, allow you to get two
extra percent if your pet dies on exam day, one point if it dies the
day before. Now you know why Rover, the old and sickly mutt, is
suddenly the most popular dog at the animal shelter. If he doesn't
pass the test, at least you will. Of course, there are easier ways
to get those points.
Teacher: "Johnny,
you say that Humphrey died on the morning of the exam. Who's
Humphrey?"
Johnny: "Uh ...
Humphrey is my goldfish. He died by accident. Yes, I accidentally
flushed him down the toilet."
Some students
will settle for two points, others will try hard for five.
Mother: "My son
is a genius. He's going to do well on his A-level exams."
Friend: "Really?
How can you be so sure?"
Mother: "Well,
just look at the brilliant names he picked for his pets. He calls
his dog 'Uncle Wilbur' and his cat 'Aunt
Judy.'"
 Melvin
Durai is a U.S.-based writer and humorist who grew up
in Zambia. His weekly humour columns are read by thousands of
people in more than 90 countries. For an email subscription
to his columns, please visit his
website
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June 2005