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 An Arrowsmith Record We Can Dance To
If you're a
sports fan, you've probably marveled at a variety of
accomplishments, such as Phil Jackson's nine NBA titles, Tiger
Woods' nine major championships, and David Beckham's nine stunning
tattoos.
But if you really
want to be impressed, check out what Percy and Florence Arrowsmith
have accomplished: 80 years of marriage.
That's a
tremendous feat, especially when most
Hollywood
marriages crumble before the ink has dried on the prenuptial
agreement. As one actor said, "Eighty years of marriage! Wow! I'd be
happy with 80 days of marriage."
As reported by
the Associated Press, the Arrowsmiths, of Hereford, England, tied
the knot on June 1, 1925. It was such a long time ago that their
wedding picture was etched on the wall of a cave.
Florence
wore lambskin; Percy a fig leaf. He also had a bow, though he left
his arrows at home.
Percy, now 105,
and Florence,
100, have set two Guinness World Records: Longest marriage for a
living couple and oldest aggregate age for a married couple. As one
athlete said, "That's amazing. Two world records and they've never
even touched steroids."
I can't even
imagine being married 80 years. I got married in my mid-30s,
somewhat late in life, so I'd be happy to
enjoy 40 years of
marital bliss, preferably with the same woman.
According to the
AP article, the Arrowsmiths say the key to a long marriage is to
never take an argument to bed. They always kiss and hold hands
before falling asleep. I've heard many old couples say this, but
it's hard to put into practise, at least for me. I've often wanted
to hold my wife's hand after an argument, but our bed and couch are
too far apart. Perhaps I need a nine-foot pole.
I've been married
only five years, but I've already learned some keys to a lasting
marriage:
Have a poor
memory: This may seem like a bad thing, especially if you can't
remember your wedding anniversary or where you put the darn Viagra.
But it's also a major benefit, the sole reason many marriages
survive. When people ask me if I ever fight with my wife, I can
honestly say, "I don't remember the last time we screamed at each
other." Unfortunately, my three-year-old daughter has a sharp
memory: "It was this morning, Daddy, during breakfast. Don't you
remember? You complained about the eggs and Mom said, 'If you don't
shut up, you're not getting any tonight.' And I asked why you'd want
eggs at night."
Say you're sorry:
No matter who's at fault, you shouldn't hesitate to say you're
sorry. Take, for example, an Indian couple named Raj and Rani.
Whenever Raj makes a mistake, Rani says she's sorry.
Raj: "Whoops.
Looks like I forgot to pay our electric bill again. We just got a
shut-off notice."
Rani: "Oh, Raj!
I'm really sorry you're so careless. And I'm also sorry I married
you."
Try to grow
together: This is perhaps the best piece of advice I've received. My
wife and I have grown so much together. I'm especially proud of the
peas and tomatoes.
Show your love in
various ways: I show my love by making tea so my wife doesn't have
to, by doing the dishes so my wife doesn't have to, and by keeping
up with the latest football news so my wife doesn't have to.
 Melvin
Durai is a U.S.-based writer and humorist who grew up
in Zambia. His weekly humour columns are read by thousands of
people in more than 90 countries. For an email subscription
to his columns, please visit his
website
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July 2005