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 Four Metre, Meat Eater
by Alastair Robertson
New Years’ day was a success; great food, good people and a nice
slow ending.
After putting the kids to bed around 8.30, my wife, Christine and I,
had a nice cup of coffee and shared the past few days’ events.
When Christine had put the kids to bed, I had let our dog, Runty,
the Rottweiler, out with Pixy, our mixed Rottweiler bitch. They had
been locked up because of all the people who had come for lunch; one
could not take a chance with watchdogs. They were a very handsome
pair and she had given us a litter of four great big pups the day
before Christmas.
We were snug in bed by 11 and all I remember was my wife elbowing me
awake.” Hey? What’s wrong ” I grumbled.
“ It’s Runty ” She said and was now shaking me, softly.
I instantly remembered I had put him the office . I knew we would
sleep heavy and felt better that he was closer. Isolated 17 kms. In
the bush, one needs good dogs.
The barking was intense and was becoming, hysterical.
Rushing now to open the office door, my wife touched my arm, I
nearly wet myself.
I stood in front of the office door and told Christine to stand
back, which was a good thing, because when I opened the door Runty,
shot out, backwards, nearly knocking me down. I had never seen him
in this state, or his hair so bristled out, he looked twice his size
and was already up to my hips.
“What the, hell is going on? ” I said aloud. I got my balance and
closed the door whilst we both tried to pacify the dog.
I had automatically picked up the torch; being on a farm, one
normally does. I approached the office door and opened it slowly,
shining the torch onto the tiled floor and then spread the beam as
the door widened.
I now had the torch on all the junk on the floor behind the door.
“ It must be a Cobra, “ I said aloud to Christine.
“ How the hell did it get……….OH! SHERBET.”
Reeling back, I slammed the door shut.
“What is it?” I heard Christine ask in the distance, as if far away.
I looked at her, lifted my hand out to her and said “don’t move”
She froze.
I open the office door again, very slowly, shining the torch on the
floor and managed to pick up, in the beam, what I thought I had seen
but didn’t want to believe - the head of a Python.
I shone the beam along the body, which was approximately a metre
from the wall, then followed it, up the wall, another metre or so
and out the window. I then closed the door and as I reached the back
door I said “Python.”
“What????” Christine breathed out.
“Take Runty into the kitchen” I said, as I reached the back door.
Close to the back door was the office window, I shone the beam on
the body going into the window, followed it a metre down the wall
and maybe a metre along the concrete floor. I wasn’t sure how much
of the snake I had already seen. All I knew was it was big. As I
turned to go back inside, I suddenly stopped and slowly turned back
to the snake; not three metres away was Pixy with her four pups,
feeding with not a care in the world. Our backlight was only a 60
watt bulb, bright enough. I realized that this massive snake had
gone straight past Pixy and the pups. To this day, it has never made
sense to me.
On reaching the back door, I noticed the end of the tail slide over
the sill, again realizing how fat the end was. “Phew! Oh boy!” was
all I said as I closed the back door
I got my canvas duffle bag and reached out for the smoke Christine
had lit. “How big.” She asked.
“Biggest I’ve seen in many years, if not the biggest.” I still
wasn’t sure how big it was.
We moved into the kitchen to finish our smokes. “Can you handle it?
“ She asked.
“I’m sure I can, as long as I get the head then I’ll be ok. But I
think we might have trouble putting it in the bag, it looks so big.”
We both took a puff of our smokes.
“I think I should close the windows and catch it in the morning.”
”No bloody fear, you catch it now” and she gripped my arm - I didn’t
know who was stronger her or the snake.
All the sticks I kept for cobras and the other reasons one keeps
sticks, were far too long for such a confined space, so I got the
broomstick, the torch and prepared for battle, with the biggest
snake I had confronted in my life, I had been catching snakes since
I was ten years old but had never been prepared for one such as
this.
I opened the office door and stepped back hoping it would head for
the light plus hoping it would come out of that confined space.
Knowing the office light did not work, the only light was from the
open door.
Guessing that it must have been ten minutes or more since I had
entered the office, I shone the torch around the floor. Nothing. I
then shone around the back of the door on to all the junk we had
piled up. “Oh hell ” I said aloud.
“What’s up?” Christine asked, standing at the door.
“It must of gone under the junk, I cant see anything” I replied.
There was no ways I was going to empty the room at that time of
night.
“Lets go out and think about this” I said. Christine was now right
behind me in the room.
We both turned to go out and as we leveled with the cupboard I don’t
know what made me look up, but there it was, proud as Punch and the
tongue giving us the once over. At the same moment, I pushed
Christine out the door.
“Hey what you do that for?” she snapped at me.
“It’s above your head, on top of the cupboard” I replied half
laughing with nervousness and ducked as we passed the cupboard.
I left the door open and noticed the head slide a little over the
top and the tongue increase its flickering. This is the main sensor
of all snakes they can detect prey in total darkness just with
their tongue.
I hoped it did not have its eye on me. The width of head was at
least one hand and a half and the length of the head was longer than
my hands length.
I stood very close and also noticed that the thickness of the nose
was as big as my finger was long. That is from it’s jaw bone to the
top of it’s nose and the two bumps they have at the nose were like
big knobs attached.
“Damn, this is a biggy” I said and stepped back.
“Give me another smoke please, I need to think.”
I shone the torch on the head, which was along the wall on top of
the cupboard. I stepped into the room taking the broom with me. I
turned and faced the door with the torch still on the head. I then
moved to the window where it had come in and shone into the corner;
there was a space between the cupboard and the wall.
“The crafty swine ” I said aloud, “It has zig zagged up the wall and
the cupboard like steps.”
On top of the cupboard, in the front was a row of wine bottles used
for candles and the snake was behind them with the head peering over
the side. If the snake came my way, it would knock all this down,
which means that there would be glass all over the place. Not good
for the snake or me.
I was used to the light now and put the torch on the ground. I took
the broomstick and placed it under the body, nearest the top of the
cupboard and the wall. I tried to lift, to get it over the bottles.
Fat chance.
The head swung back to where I had the broom and the whole weight of
the reptile was on the broomstick, it slowly slid to the ground; I
could not hold the weight.
As the snake sort of piled up in that corner, the head slid along
the broomstick. I thought it was going to strike; it had enough body
in a coil to do so. I dropped the broom and dashed for the door,
managing to keep my eye on the head as I flew from the room and
walked half into the doorframe. This knocked me sideways. Pain shot
through my shoulder and I let out a groan as I spun with the
momentum. The snake lay in the middle of the floor and didn’t move.
Then it slid slowly forward and it straightened out. This could only
be because the floor was slippery and it could only move slowly.
This was my chance. I pulled the broom back and easy as you please,
put it behind the head. The snake did not move. I pressed the broom
to the floor and slid my hand along it until I was sure I had it
secure. I grabbed the snake behind the head and only when I tried to
lift it did I realize that I only had half the neck in my grip.
However, I was up against the jawbone so it was safe.
Then the fun started.
With me holding the neck, I became an immediate anchor for the snake
and the tail shot forward wrapping it’s self around my ankle. I knew
the head was gripped securely, so I picked the reptile up in the
middle of it’s body as it seemed to swallow up my hand. Every
movement was a holding place for the long body. I stood with my arms
out and only then did I realize how much of the reptile was wrapped
around me. I wasn’t really sure but I knew there was a heavy weight
all over me; I had to watch the head at all times and try to control
the tail. It was like releasing a piece of elastic.
My ankle was firmly gripped by the tail, another anchor for the
snake.
Further up my leg it had some how secured itself around my knee.
Can’t remember when that happened. My left arm was outstretched with
two coils of the snake around it; my right arm was a resting place
for most of the body as it pushed up towards my throat. It hooked
itself onto my left shoulder, then around my throat and hooked on to
my right shoulder, like a wrestler having a headlock on his
opponent.
It seemed to just melt around me.
“Christine get the bag,” I shouted.
It was when I tried to move to the bag that I realized the
weight again. The trouble was it seemed to get longer as it found a
hold and when I did move towards the door, more of it found my mouth
and nose.
There I was wrapped up in a python, snug as you please and I could
feel my left leg going numb, my arms where starting to tingle, yet I
could feel no real squeezing. It was very strange.
I nearly lost the head a few times, when I was trying to adjust
myself as it coiled around me. I was starting to get worried - all
parts of my body seemed to be tingling. I knew this was because of
bad blood circulation, I had to move fast and headed for the door,
or rather dragged myself to the door.
I saw Christine with the bag held out with two fingers, “Open the
bag ” I said aloud. Her face was in shock; she looked down me all
wrapped up nicely, and the bag nearly fell from her two finger grip.
I knew I had little time as my head was throbbing. “Open the
#?*”*%$#*** BAG” I screamed. “I cant hold on much longer”
She stepped forward now holding it open. With all my might, I lifted
both arms and jumped in the air. On landing, most of the snake fell
off me. I still had the head and went for the tail. Then suddenly
the whole reptile went lose, and I picked up the tail and started to
put it in the bag. I had to feed it into the bag, like a huge rope,
but it gave me no trouble whatsoever; easy as pie I dropped the head
in as softly as possible and closed the top.
I could only think that my burst of strength and the landing gave
the snake second thoughts and it went calm for a moment. I don’t
know.
We both noticed that I had red marks all over my arms throat and
legs, but it was so strange - when the snake was on me it did not
feel like it was squeezing; it felt more like a suction; there was
no pain only a tingling, then a light-headedness and headache.
We finally went to bed at 2.30 and estimated that I had struggled
with the reptile on and off for over an hour,; the rest of the time
was planning and smoking and wondering how in dickens was I going to
do it.
Some facts
A Rock python can stretch nearly half its length again.
It can open it’s mouth nearly five times it’s normal size and when
fully grown can swallow an impala.
Other
constrictors get bigger but the African rock python is in the third
biggest category. The unfortunate part is that they are killed
before they are fully grown.
When cooked, pythons taste a little like fish and are very nice.
The oil from the cooking is a very good muti, for sinus, ear
problems and burns. Proven fact.
Other notes of interest
On the same farm (Finta Farm) in one year we killed:
18 Mozambique spitting cobra. Longest was 1.78 metres.
11 Puffadders, longest was 90 cm
In the house we caught:
1 tiger snake,
over a metre long (a constrictor)
1 Twig snake, 50 cm, back fanged, very poisonous.
1 bush snake, non poisonous
Besides the monster in the house, I caught five other pythons on the
road and all were put on islands on the Zambezi. Lengths varied
between one and a half to two and a half metres in length
Gecko’s as thick as my arm and 15 cm long
Baboon spiders, truly as big as my open palm
Centipedes, yellow, green and brown around 15 cm long.
Scorpions as big as my daughters thumb nail and smaller, Phew! what
a day.
What a great life we have. It’s better than being hit by a truck,
bus or train.
What do you
think?
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July 2005