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Air Marlarkey
(Possibly the worst airline in the world!)
I had been warned of course, “the flights are
unreliable” “you get diverted” they never leave on time” etc, etc,
but I’m an optimist by nature so I decided to go for it.
I was meeting my wife in Malawi for a few days by the
Lake before Christmas; she had been away for while and this was a
chance to chill out and catch up with what had been going on while
we were apart. Also a chance to gird our loins for the coming party
season!
Anyway, the flight out wasn’t too bad, it left late
of course but everything else went smoothly and we met up at
Lilongwe airport for the transfer to the Livingstonia Hotel. In
case you’re interested we had a wonderful time (apart from getting
sun burnt, how stupid is that!!) and we were looking forward to
getting back to Lusaka, that’s when it all started to unravel.
We were booked on the 8 am flight form Lilongwe; we
got up at sparrow fart and got to the airport in plenty of time. We
should have guessed of course, the airport was deserted; eventually
a policeman told us that the flight was now leaving at 12! Five
hours to kill at Lilongwe! As airports go it’s not the most exciting
that you’ve ever visited. It takes about 10 minutes to explore (if
you walk slowly) and that’s it!!
Twelve o’clock came and went, as did one, despite
repeated visits to the Air Malarkey office no one could tell us what
was going on. It got to Two and then Two Thirty and suddenly we had
plane! There it was on the tarmac, large as life.
“Will passengers for Harare and Lusaka proceed to
boarding’. We did and started to get on the bus, when suddenly we
were all taken back into the lounge, “will passengers for Lusaka
please board; those for Harare please wait”. To be honest we weren’t
that bothered by the plight of those trying to get to Harare; we
just wanted to got home, so we leapt on the bus with some glee and
it started off toward the plane.
The more observant amongst us then noticed the
trolley with our luggage heading back toward the terminal; we got to
the plane and boarded, keeping one eye on the luggage. The airline
staff said “don’t worry it’ll be here in a minute”. By now those
already on board, having come from Dubai via Blantyre, had noticed
that their bags had been taken off as well. The airline staff kept
on saying “it’s coming, it’s coming”, but it clearly wasn’t! One
passenger now informed the staff that she had fresh fish in her
bags!
By now the staff were urging us to take our seats
quickly so that we could take off; a group of increasingly angry
passengers was not sitting down until they saw their luggage safely
on board. Eventually after many minutes of argument, the airline
staff summoned a policeman to make us sit down!! He came on board,
took one look at the now irate passengers, wished us all good day
and got off again. One member of staff now told us to sit down or
get off! (Malarkey obviously use the Saddam Hussein Academy of
Customer Care).
Eventually the pilot came through and informed us
that due to adverse weather conditions, they could take the
passengers to Lusaka but not the luggage; this would follow the next
day. We were now thoroughly disgruntled but at least we knew what
was happening and could (reluctantly) accept it. We sat down and
the plane took off.
The thing is that the Air Marlarkey staff to a man
(and woman) were lying to us; all they wanted to do was get us on
board, slam the doors and take off. Presumably they then intended to
tell us that whoops, our luggage had all been left behind!!! Why
didn’t they just tell us what was going on? Why try and con us all
into boarding? Beats the hell out of me. Suggestions on a post card
please.
Oh by the way, they lied about the luggage as well,
it didn’t come the next day, it came the day after! Never did
discover what happened to the fish!
There you go, Air Malarkey, probably the worst airline in the world!
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March
2006