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Memo To Staff:
Please Get Some Work Done
To:
All staff
From:
Company president
Subject: Low productivity
It has come to my
attention that productivity has dropped drastically since Friday,
June 9th. I'm not sure what's going on, but please be assured that
I'm monitoring the situation closely and will suspend or terminate
employees
who aren't pulling their own weight. For the company to be
successful, it's important for all of us to work hard. We
need to learn from the examples set by the following managers, whom
I'm pleased to recognize.
John Tembo, Human Resources Manager: I was walking past John's
office and heard him and several employees shouting "Goal! Goal!
Goal!" When I knocked on the door, John told me they were watching a
training video to help them achieve company goals. I have nominated
each of them for our Employee of the Month Award. It's important for
all of us to focus on goals. As John said, "Without goals, our team
will lose."
Carlos Mendez, Sales and Distribution Manager: Carlos called me on
Friday morning to say he was ill and couldn't come to work. His
doctor had diagnosed him with a rare illness called socceritis. The
illness affects patients for at least a month and there's a chance
of relapse every four years. As you can imagine, I was rather
shocked and saddened. I wondered how we could manage without Carlos
for so long. Perhaps Carlos read my mind, for he immediately put me
at ease. "I'll come to work, boss," he said. "The illness isn't
contagious. I just need to return home to get 90 minutes of rest a
few times a day." What an example Carlos is setting for all of us. I
am nominating him for our Courage and Inspiration Award.
Ravi Narayanan, Product Design Manager: As of Friday, Ravi is
testing an innovative program he developed called WHFH (Work Hard
From Home). He believes it will not only increase productivity in
his department but also lower costs considerably, particularly the
cost of buying coffee and doughnuts. Ravi came to work briefly on
Tuesday and I overheard him saying to another manager, "South Korea
2, Togo 1." I asked him about it and he said, "That's the number of
customers we have in each country." I was extremely pleased. I
didn't realize we had a customer in Togo. I am nominating Ravi for
our Innovative Spirit Award.
Hans Mueller, Advertising Manager: Hans, as you know, is always
looking for new ways to advertise, new ways to reach potential
customers. Since Friday, he has been personally manning an
information booth at the ESPN Sports Bar. I paid a surprise visit to
the bar and heard Hans talking to an employee about something called
"World Cup." He told me it's an acronym he's using to motivate
employees: WORLDCUP (Working Overtime Results in Less Disappointment
and Creates an Upsurge in Productivity.) I am nominating Hans for
the High Motivation Award.
Ming Yu, Technology Manager: I found Ming coming out of a bathroom
stall with a small battery-operated TV. He said he's testing a video
conferencing system that will enable employees to continue to work
while doing their business. A few minutes later, I heard Ming
telling his assistant how many customers we have in certain
countries. I was proud to hear all the numbers, but disappointed to
realize we have no customers in America. That's a huge market that
we're missing out on. In any case, I am nominating Ming for the
Bathroom Productivity Award.
 Melvin
Durai is a U.S.-based writer and humorist who grew up
in Zambia. His weekly humour columns are read by thousands of
people in more than 90 countries. For an email subscription
to his columns, please visit his
website
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July
2006