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Real-time Cartoon
By P K Ngulube
It’s
a long way to the Source of the Zambezi. It has never been what you
would call a spectacular place to visit, but at least a peaceful and
undisturbed spot of some interest and importance. In a beautiful ‘mushitu’,
the little muddy, puddle-like spring rises to form the trickle that
is to become the Zambezi. It always had a certain “I’ve been there”
quality.
But
now the National Heritage Conservation Commission has ‘developed’
it.
If
you’ve ever wondered what it may be like if you could enter and take
part in a cartoon movie, this is it.
You
see first the one good thing: a timber walkway erected on short
stilts over the mushitu footpaths, which will help in conserving the
forest and the course of the infant Zambezi coming from the source.
Then,
as you walk along toward the source looking at increasingly amazing
examples of tourist “kitsch”, you just have to say to yourself:
“No, surely, they can’t be serious, this must be a wind-up”.
Because, instead of enjoying the view of the mushitu trees and
canopy towering over you, you’re distracted by walkway columns on
either side, extended to head height and embellished with cheap
curio carvings. Somewhere there, in the rain forest gloom, I’m sure
I saw Bugs Bunny……….
In
places, the walkway crosses the tiny streams and you take amusement
crossing the miniature suspension bridges, feeling a bit like you
did when you had to rescue Junior from the middle of a jumping
castle.
With
a return of his hearty greeting, you negotiate your way around the
understandably happy guy now employed to sweep the leaves from the
walkway. It occurs to you to ask: “What did we do with the leaves
when we just had footpaths through the bush?” But, instead, you
bite your tongue and make the final push to The Source.
The
sculpted walkway posts bring to mind more scenes from Looney Toons –
the one of the chap paddling a Zambezi canoe vertically down a
walkway column takes you back immediately to D. Duck Esq. on his
camping trip, going over that waterfall.
 But
then you get to The Source. (You know it’s The Source because right
in front of your face there is a big downward-pointing carved hand
with “Source” writ large upon it).
At
this point, the timber walkway encircles the spring so tightly that
you could almost shake hands with the chap on the other side of the
Zambezi. But you don’t, because there’s more to see: fixed to the
handrail immediately above the spring is a crudely carved wooden map
of Zambia. And a large sculpted plaque advertising the National
Heritage Conservation Commission.
With
heavy, incredulous heart you do your best to close your gaping mouth
because you just cannot keep quiet about what you’ve just seen:
“What’s that chicken doing sitting on the fence?” you have to ask.
For there, in heraldic pose, is a carved wooden fowl, which Zambia
Ornithological Society must have somehow missed. No, the
ever-polite attendant corrects you: “That’s the Zambian eagle”.
 Then
the guide commences his little informative talk about the source and
the river. With a flourish he takes up his newly-issued pointing
stick and moves it toward the wooden map. And there on the end of
the stick, with outstretched index finger and painted finger nails,
is another cartoon hand.
As
the surrealism of it all envelops you, you wonder if the attendant
is going to finish his talk with the immortal words: “That’s all
folks”.
There’s some mention that a borehole would be drilled from which
source water could be bottled and sold to tourists. But you are too
far gone now to even say: “Surely not?”.
The
result: nothing short of a tourism joke. If any operator ever
bothers to take or direct them there, it will certainly give the
international tourists some amusement after that long journey.
Especially if they are fans of classic cartoons.
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October
2006